[OSR Challenge] 99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall

99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall: A Get Ready, Get Set, Go! 3.5 Edition adventure set in a Dwarven Stronghold, but easily dropped into any stronghold or similar structure.

Get Ready:

• The adventurers enter a room to find large casks and enormous metallic urns and tubs, all connected with various kinds of metallic pipes. It’s time for some refreshment!

Get Set:

• Deep in the bowels of the stronghold the adventurers creep unseen into a room to find various distillery and brewing equipment. The walls are lined with casks, both large and small, as well as glass and metal bottles. There is a cupboard filled with numerous differently-sized drinking vessels, from shot glasses to dwarven steins. The very air itself is thick with a heady smell; any source of flame has a 50% chance of igniting a small 5'-diameter fireball (1d6 damage).

Go!:

• Nothing here is obviously dangerous. Granted, the air is flammable, but there are no traps or monsters to disturb the adventurers’ drinking. However, therein lies the true danger. If the adventurers are not careful, they may become incapacitated, or at least impaired, and be found by the stronghold’s residents. The dwarven residents will not take lightly their presence in the stronghold, but even more importantly their presence in the still room and their obvious imbibing is grounds for imprisonment, if not outright melee. The casks and bottles are filled with brews from many cultures; they are primarily dwarven, but there are also some elven, human, orcish, goblin, and giant sources as well.
  
  For those using Third Edition D&D or its equivalent, it is suggested that a DM uses the alcohol rules found HERE or any appropriate house rule the DM wishes to impose. The beverage descriptions below utilize the above-referenced D&D Wiki variant rules. They are also numbered 1-30 for ease in the adventurers randomly choosing a bevarage.

Notable Beverages:

1. Almond Peach Helmet
   Str 16
   White with dark swirls, the drink smells strongly of nuts and tastes excellent.
   Elven.
2. Anglirot Flesh-mangler’s Wonder Elixir
   Str 40
   Magenta with lots of bubbles, the drink smells strange and tastes somewhat like cheese. Orcish.
3. Blessed Summer
   Str 33
   Sky blue and bubbly, the drink smells somewhat like whiskey and tastes like perfume. Human.
4. Blessed Green Thinker
   Str 24
   Lime green with blue swirls and flecks of herbs, this drink smells like fine wine. It somehow comes from the cask near-frozen like slush.
   Elven.
5. Blueberry Flute
   Str 10
   Pink and frothy, the drink smells like blueberries and taste of mint and coconut.
   Elven.
6. Breath Terror
   Str 43
   Mint green with silver sparkles and served from a pewter cask, the drink smells like pine sap and tastes like dragon breath, leaving a strong aftertaste.
   Dwarven.
7. Dire Coral
   Str 30
   Sea green with lots of fizz and kept in a carved wooden bottle, this drink smells heavenly and tastes like strawberries.
   Elven.
8. Elemental Peanut
   Str 24
   Clear liquid with light brown swirls, this drink smells of peanuts and tastes like rum.
   Dwarven.
9. Faugong’s Smut Cocoa
   Str 47
   Medium blue color with lots of froth and poured from a plain glass jug, this drink smells like hot chocolate and tastes hellish. It temporarily stains the tongue and teeth.
   Giant.
10. Forest Blend
    Str 43
    Magenta with yellow swirls, this drink smells of mellow apples and tastes like fruit.
    Dwarven.
11. Foul Pit
    Str 34
    Clear as glass with pale pink swirls, this drink smells hellish and tastes like ginger.
    Dwarven.
12. Good Fence
    Str 31
    Copper with bronze sparkles, the drink smells and tastes of honey and strawberries.
    Dwarven.
13. Graverobber’s Dirt
    Str 35
    Blue-green with dark swirls and stored in a keg with runes carved on the side, this drink smells like fresh dirt and tastes like pine nuts. It causes sleepiness in the drinker.
    Dwarven.
14. High Element
    Str 29
    Emerald with silver flecks, the drink smells somewhat like campfire smoke and tastes like ginger and grapes.
    Dwarven.
15. High Deep Drink
    Str 36
    Silvery with red flecks, this drink smells like freshly cut grass and tastes like lemon. It causes the driver to temporarily lose their sense of smell.
    Elven.
16. Jape Buster of Berina
    Str 18
    Very pale brown with flecks of red pepper, this drink smells and tastes horrible.
    Human.
17. Korch’s Rocky Past
    Str 53
    Pale brown with a slimy texture and bits of lemon rind, this drink smells frightening and tastes like tomato juice, grapes, and citrus.
    Goblin.
18. Orange Tea
    Str 34
    Violet with a few bubbles, this drink smells spicy and tastes like orange medicine. It causes sleepiness in the drinker.
    Human.
19. Outlaw’s Heaven
    Str 6
    Fuchsia with red swirls, this drink smells like fine wine and tastes of apples. It causes mild paranoia.
    Human.
20. Peach Abyss
    Str 34
    Magenta with blue flecks, this drink smells like fountain-pen ink and tastes like peaches
    Goblin.
21. Positive Lime Apple
    Str 44
    Blue-green with lots of froth and spices, the drink smells and tastes like fine apples.
    Elven.
22. Purgatory Sunrise
    Str 26
    Deep blue with bronze sparkles, the drink smells metallic and tastes a bit like charcoal and cinnamon, leaving a strong aftertaste.
    Human.
23. Raging Traitor
    Str 51
    Sapphire with light swirls, this drink smells like sludge and tastes of chocolate and pineapple. It sometimes causes the drinker to become violent.
    Orcish.
24. River Scroll
    Str 56
    Sapphire with pale pink swirls, this drink is served from small crystal flasks. It smells like fish and tastes like cherries.
    Elven.
25. Sea Kingdom Punch
    Str 30
    Deep purple with gold sparkles, this drink smells like the sea and tastes a bit like raw horse meat.
    Orcish.
26. Sour Hammer
    Str 52
    Solid black with light swirls, this drink smells strange and tastes of lemon and orange.
    Dwarven.
27. Tasty Squirt
    Str 54
    Light brown with a syrupy texture and flecks of orange rind, this drink smells like urine and tastes like vinegar. It is sometimes used as a remedy for minor ailments. (+1 temporary HP for 8 hours per pint consumed.)
    Goblin.
28. Tundra Oblivion
    Str 19
    Pink with bronze sparkles, this drink smells like snow and tastes strange. It will temporarily stain the tongue and teeth.
    Giant.
29. Twisted Redemption
    Str 63
    Medium blue with bronze sparkles, this drink smells like pears and tastes spoiled.
    Dwarven.
30. Unholy Shandy of Gorothin
    Str 57
    Very pale brown with yellow swirls and chunks of meat floating in it. The drink smells like urine and tastes very questionable.
    Giant.

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This is the sixteenth of 26 adventures that I will be sharing over the month of September. They are designed for use with edition 3.5 of the world’s most popular fantasy RPG, although they can be easily dropped into any fantasy setting (or modern/sci-fi setting with a little work). These posts are a part of Asshat Paladin’s OSR Short Adventure Challenge , and utilize his Get Ready, Get Set, Go! Format.
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