Fever Dreams and Obnoxious Toys

JB over at B/X Blackrazor is feeling under the weather. First of all, I have to pass along all the good karma possible, as well as two vials of cure serious wounds to build his hit points back up a bit.

In the course of warning us all to stay away from his contagion explaining his illness, he made a comment that made me blow cola out of my nose:

My son got this Elmo airplane from his grandparents that he has been riding up and down the hallway. It is cool (he loves it) but it plays this eerie flute music that sounds like something described in a Lovecraft story...creeps me out, especially with the background propeller noise. Like some bizarre machine of ancient evil space gods.

It's nice to know there are other parents out there with creepy, disturbing (and annoying) toys. My parents delighted in giving my kids any toy that operates on batteries and either makes annoying noises or music.

The closest I have come in my home to what he experienced is a toy my parents gave my oldest some six or seven years ago. This little piece of work is called: "Fright Light Scooby-Doo with Ghost Spotting Flashlight." The little plush toy seems harmless at first glance. Turn it on, however, and prepare to welcome Linda Blair, an Old One, and Ted Bundy into your home.

The premise of the toy isn't a bad one: when the motion/light sensor is activated, the toy shouts out something in "Scooby-speak" about seeing a ghost, the flashlight in his hand turns on, and a "ghost" silhouette shines on the wall. Then Scooby starts to shiver and shake. Great fun, right? Except for the fact that the motion/light sensor on this thing is incredibly sensitive and touchy. It sets the toy off at the slightest breeze or shadow.

Again, this wouldn't be a huge problem. Except when you consider the toy sitting in your child's room, at 2:00 a.m., when you get up to get a drink and are wandering down a dark hallway. A car goes by outside and the shadows in your child's room shift and suddenly you hear a voice talking in an otherwise dark house.

Or you're laying in bed in the wee hours of the morning and suddenly hear a strange voice talking somewhere in the house after your child left it in the living room. Or they left it in the furnace room and the voice is echoing through the air vents.

You get the gist? The toy is evil. I think the thing may have originated somewhere just slightly left of the Mountains of Madness. And I think he boarded the Elmo Plane to get here.

Satanic toys aside, though...JB? Get feeling better...and if you need to dismantle the Elmo plane, let me know. I'll supply the hammer.