Professional Cryptozoology

Image property of Para Abnormal

This morning I'm seriously considering a career change from the practice of law to Professional Cryptozoolozy.

No, seriously.

Part of that decision comes from the fact that I am spending the day at the back of a conference room learning about "The World of Depositions." You see, attorneys are required to participate in a set number of hours of "Continuing Legal Education" or "CLE" in order to renew and maintain their license.

I have a double-digit amount of hours left to take prior to June 30, 2012. I'm in a little bit of trouble and as a result, I'm taking a lot of hours that have nothing to do with my actual area of practice. For example, depositions...it's been twelve years and two months since I took or attended my last deposition. So obviously today's presentation is quite useful and relevant.

But I digress.

Today's CLE is only one reason for my desire to change careers.

The other was the episode of Grimm I watched last night. I've developed a real taste for Grimm. I wrote about it here at the start of the season.

I'm going to assume here that most of my readers know the premise behind Grimm. If you don't, hit IMDB or Wiki. Better yet, go here.

I badly wanted to like Once Upon A Time as well, but as that show quickly de-evolved into a soap opera, I stopped watching after the third episode (or so). Grimm on the other hand has not only maintained the quirkiness and intrigue throughout the season, most of the characters have grown, the story line developed, and even the mysteries and twists have been developed and followed without becoming contrived (see: Lost). While some may be irritated with its "monster-a-week" premise, I believe that we'll see that change once we, as viewers, have an idea of the breadth of the Wesen universe; i.e., as Nick learns, we learn along with him.

It's not exactly young-child-friendly, so our DVR saw great use this season. The wife and I have been squeezing in a couple episodes every couple nights the past week in an effort to get caught up with the story. Suffice it to say, I think most of the fears I had after the pilot have been addressed and countered.

My wife and I have also become addicted to Finding Bigfoot on Animal Planet (check your local listings). It's kind of a guilty pleasure. It's where we go to slum, intellectually, when our brains are worn out. In case you don't know, the premise here is that a group of "researchers"--three true believers and one skeptic--go from state to state following leads and rumors of Bigfoot sightings. Much of the program is devoted to a "town hall meeting" where they call witnesses together and invite them to share their stories. Then, having documented the stories, they take the two or three most reputable (or promising) witnesses out in the field to the loci of their sighting(s). Then they spend the night running through the forest with night-vision goggles, cameras, and directional microphones while making various grunts and screeches.

Needless to say every episode ends with the true believers being sure that the state in question has a Sasquatch population, the skeptic still not convinced, and not a blessed piece of evidence or camera footage.

One of the true believers--a man that goes by the nickname of Bobo--may be their best evidence of the existence of Sasquatch. This guy literally looks like a freshly-shaven Bigfoot. Slack-jawed and shaggy-haired, somewhere around 7' tall, Bobo believes every twig-crack and animal-howl is "without a doubt" a "Squatch." In fact, this quickly becomes his catch-phrase: "It's a Squatch!" Of course, the veiwer is (hopefully) saying to him- or herself: Ummm... it sounded like a twig snapping or it sounded just like a coyote.

Yeah, I know, real brain-twisting, hard-hitting, overly-intellectual television fare. It's made me want to play in a good, d20 Modern paranormal game. Heck, a paranormal game of any ilk, actually, if I can find a good one.

So, back to Grimm. The episode we watched last night was entitled, "Big Feet." In the opening teaser/set-up sequence, we see a group of Bigfoot researchers doing guess what? They're out in the woods at night, with cameras and miscellaneous gear, making grunts and howls. Then they come face to face (off-camera) with some crazed being that tears through the researchers like they were paper. On camera we see a hint of the carnage: one researcher thrown at an enormous tree with bone-shattering force. We see the aftermath after the first commercial: one researcher lying on the ground with his torso torn open. Another researcher is transfixed on a five-foot-long, two-inch-diameter branch on a fallen log.

And that's when I turned to my wife and said, "This is what Finding Bigfoot is missing; I want to see Bobo thrown through the air. THAT'S when I will believe it's a Squatch."

But it made me think again: these guys with the BFRO ("Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization"). I want that gig. I want to be paid like that. (Yeah, before you say it, this is their hobby, their side-job. I understand that.) C'mon, who out there will throw me a wad of cash to go camping and looking for mythical creatures?

Call me. I'm your guy.