A place wherein this Dwarven Cleric can share his love of maps, dice, miniatures, and all things involving gaming and general geekery--not to mention the occasional witty non-gaming observations--whilst escaping from the humdrum existence of his routine Terran existence.

Hail and Well Met, fellow traveler! May my Stronghold provide a place for enlightenment and amusement, and somewhere to keep your dice dry. Enter and rest awhile.

03 November 2014

Wherein the Effects of Unfortunate Pizza are Experienced

I have to admit that some of my best ideas are the fault of Tim Shorts over at Gothridge Manor. Today's is no exception. Over on Google+ he mentioned he'd had leftover pizza for lunch. It was good enough, apparently, to be "stat-worthy"...if he hadn't eaten it all. He followed that up with a list of XP awards, as follows.
I'm gonna go with 25xp per slice. And additional 50xp if you can eat the whole pizza in one setting. However you'll need to make a save vs. heartburn. [Aside: for my PF/3.x readers, I'd suggest a Fortitude Save, DC 16. End aside.] A failure means you'll have a -1 on your rolls when interacting with others.
Then Mr. Jason Zavoda (from Hall of the Mountain King) provided the kicker: If you fumble you have to roll on the flatulence table.

Well, how could I let that gauntlet lay untouched on the ground? Answer: I couldn't, not without bringing great shame to the OSR Blogging Community at large.

And so I present to you: The Flatulence Table: (Note: roll once on each table for each failed save.)

Flatulence Table 1: Severity

d20 Roll
Area of Effect
Silent But Deadly Completely silent, but oh, so potent.
Mousey Nothing but a little squeak. Sounds like a shoe with a bad sole.
FlapperThere’s some flapping cheekage. Sounds a little moist.
TrumpetProud, triumphant. Heraldic, even. Nothing to be ashamed of.
ElephantineTrumpet, but more so. Worthy of a grass-fed giant mammal.
Weapon of Mass DestructionThe truly epic, in all respects: sound, smell, and yes--taste.

Flatulence Table 2: Side Effect

d6 Roll
Side Effect
Gas only. No effect.
Shart. A little s**t, a little fart.
Total Trouser Betrayal.

For Area of Effect: roll 1d20 x 5' for each occurrence.

As usual, free for your use. Just drop me a note to let me if and how you used it, and to what effect.


Chris C. said...

I think you just won the award for the absolute funniest table I've ever seen.
I'll be laughing about this one for a while...

Tim Shorts said...

This is very good Boric!

matt jackson said...

LOL A table totally fitting Tim! Perfect!

The Happy Whisk said...

That is some funny stuff. So so funny.

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