I have to admit that some of my best ideas are the fault of Tim Shorts over at Gothridge Manor. Today's is no exception. Over on Google+ he mentioned he'd had leftover pizza for lunch. It was good enough, apparently, to be "stat-worthy"...if he hadn't eaten it all. He followed that up with a list of XP awards, as follows.
Well, how could I let that gauntlet lay untouched on the ground? Answer: I couldn't, not without bringing great shame to the OSR Blogging Community at large.
And so I present to you: The Flatulence Table: (Note: roll once on each table for each failed save.)
Flatulence Table 2: Side Effect
I'm gonna go with 25xp per slice. And additional 50xp if you can eat the whole pizza in one setting. However you'll need to make a save vs. heartburn. [Aside: for my PF/3.x readers, I'd suggest a Fortitude Save, DC 16. End aside.] A failure means you'll have a -1 on your rolls when interacting with others.Then Mr. Jason Zavoda (from Hall of the Mountain King) provided the kicker: If you fumble you have to roll on the flatulence table.
Well, how could I let that gauntlet lay untouched on the ground? Answer: I couldn't, not without bringing great shame to the OSR Blogging Community at large.
And so I present to you: The Flatulence Table: (Note: roll once on each table for each failed save.)
Flatulence Table 1: Severity
Silent But Deadly | Completely silent, but oh, so potent. | |
Mousey | Nothing but a little squeak. Sounds like a shoe with a bad sole. | |
Flapper | There’s some flapping cheekage. Sounds a little moist. | |
Trumpet | Proud, triumphant. Heraldic, even. Nothing to be ashamed of. | |
Elephantine | Trumpet, but more so. Worthy of a grass-fed giant mammal. | |
Weapon of Mass Destruction | The truly epic, in all respects: sound, smell, and yes--taste. |
Flatulence Table 2: Side Effect
Gas only. No effect. | |
Shart. A little s**t, a little fart. | |
Total Trouser Betrayal. |
For Area of Effect: roll 1d20 x 5' for each occurrence.
As usual, free for your use. Just drop me a note to let me if and how you used it, and to what effect.
4 comments:
I think you just won the award for the absolute funniest table I've ever seen.
I'll be laughing about this one for a while...
This is very good Boric!
LOL A table totally fitting Tim! Perfect!
That is some funny stuff. So so funny.
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